This will be short but it's necessary. I guess this could be a warning. You are going to, most likely and after a brief vacation-ish time off, see a lot more of this blog. I can not, and will not, tell why but I will say that this got easier. This week, and maybe next, will lead you to believe this is all a lie, another promise that I will become more productive. It is no lie. I just have too much away time coming up. The away time is also somewhat of a secret. It's good, though.
So, I am writing this to tell you that I will be writing a hell of a lot more for a reason that I can not say and that it will not take place until maybe next week but I am not sure, okay?
It doesn't matter what I write here. No one reads this, but, then again, that is not the purpose of this blog. Not yet, at least.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Monday, January 23, 2017
I Should Shut Up or Scream in a Pillow, Anything but This
And the word of the day is "hush". Hush, as the fact remains, that due to my standing in this world I should shut the fuck up. I am an employee, a freelancer, a lesser than, a nobody, the type who should know his place and who certainly should not speak out. I am not going to pretend that is not the truth. I am not going to pretend that the garbage which spews from my laptop, maybe biweekly now for I don't have the time to do this as often as I would like, is going to accomplish anything positive and could make my life worse. I am not going to act like this is a good idea or that when people tell me I am only giving "them" reason to dub me crazy, unstable, foolish, arrogant and childish. When I tell those who question my reasoning that this is kind of like therapy for me or that it is not real, or 100% true, or to be taken literally, and their reply is "then keep it to yourself. Write it down but don't post it," I am not going to have a satisfactory answer. "It makes me feel better," is all I have and maybe, "it would be worse if I let shit build up and if I confronted the people who anger me."
I know I am crazy. I mean I suffer from some mental illness in the form of depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. Most would just call that crazy so I guess that is what I should call it. Nobody views this as illness and so much so that most of the time I don't either. Crazy is easier and frankly, I am sick of reminding people what my fucking problem is, as that is no fun at all. I don't think it is crazy, however, to take action in order to prevent a much bigger problem from arising. I know that my annoying, whiny, stream of conscience laundry list of gripes is good for my illness. It helps that and a side effect is it angers some, worries some, and leads some to form opinions of me which could harm my future. I know I should clean up what I post when I am constantly applying for jobs and trying to convince people to trust my skills as a photographer. I know I should play by the rules 100% of the time because that is the one thing I have not tried and it is quite obvious that "my way" is not working. One thing I also know, though, is that for all of those who tell me to stop this crap, well, they have no clue how much this helps me. I need this as it keeps me close to stable while not costing a dime and I really believe that eventually if I keep this up, I will alienate enough people to the point where it won't matter what I say as no one will be reading. I may be there already. I may be to the point where nobody expects me to do anything but complain. People would be shocked to learn what I do with my days.
I am going to repeat that for it will lead into my next topic which I will tackle tomorrow.
People would be shocked to learn what I do with my days.
Why?
Because people project. You all project too much, and it needs to stop.
What do I mean? You project, you transfer or attribute one's own emotion or desire to (another person), especially unconsciously (almost like I copy and pasted that definition straight from the dictionary. I will give everyone a bit of advice and I can run my mouth on this subject because I am not guilty, at all, of projecting for I never project. This doesn't mean I am better than anyone. It just happens to be one bad habit I do not possess. Don't assume others are like you, they are not. Just because you are a prick who is motivated only by pleasure please do not think I am the same. Just because if you where in my situation you would be half-assing, cheating, stealing, and bullshitting, well, remember I am not you. Your emotions, actions, experiences, views are your own and they have zero to do with me. I am not you and you are not me.
The problem of projecting, I believe, is one of the main reasons why I have a hard time on this planet. I am too different and people can not believe that I am not just like them.
I know I am crazy. I mean I suffer from some mental illness in the form of depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. Most would just call that crazy so I guess that is what I should call it. Nobody views this as illness and so much so that most of the time I don't either. Crazy is easier and frankly, I am sick of reminding people what my fucking problem is, as that is no fun at all. I don't think it is crazy, however, to take action in order to prevent a much bigger problem from arising. I know that my annoying, whiny, stream of conscience laundry list of gripes is good for my illness. It helps that and a side effect is it angers some, worries some, and leads some to form opinions of me which could harm my future. I know I should clean up what I post when I am constantly applying for jobs and trying to convince people to trust my skills as a photographer. I know I should play by the rules 100% of the time because that is the one thing I have not tried and it is quite obvious that "my way" is not working. One thing I also know, though, is that for all of those who tell me to stop this crap, well, they have no clue how much this helps me. I need this as it keeps me close to stable while not costing a dime and I really believe that eventually if I keep this up, I will alienate enough people to the point where it won't matter what I say as no one will be reading. I may be there already. I may be to the point where nobody expects me to do anything but complain. People would be shocked to learn what I do with my days.
I am going to repeat that for it will lead into my next topic which I will tackle tomorrow.
People would be shocked to learn what I do with my days.
Why?
Because people project. You all project too much, and it needs to stop.
What do I mean? You project, you transfer or attribute one's own emotion or desire to (another person), especially unconsciously (almost like I copy and pasted that definition straight from the dictionary. I will give everyone a bit of advice and I can run my mouth on this subject because I am not guilty, at all, of projecting for I never project. This doesn't mean I am better than anyone. It just happens to be one bad habit I do not possess. Don't assume others are like you, they are not. Just because you are a prick who is motivated only by pleasure please do not think I am the same. Just because if you where in my situation you would be half-assing, cheating, stealing, and bullshitting, well, remember I am not you. Your emotions, actions, experiences, views are your own and they have zero to do with me. I am not you and you are not me.
The problem of projecting, I believe, is one of the main reasons why I have a hard time on this planet. I am too different and people can not believe that I am not just like them.
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